flashbacks

there are several days and nights that I will never forget or want to miss. But there is one day and one night I don't want to recap anymore, but the flashbacks come and go.
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was never that vulnerable. I was grateful and I still am that I have friends who were there for me, however I don't want to see their expressions from that night and morning anymore. It hurts. Every time I think I could have it another way, but I can't. That's probably why I am so afraid. Everyone is moving on, but still together. And here am I, alone, working and not doing anything besides planning how much longer I am stuck in this.
I knew I had to leave at some point but it still seems surreal, that I was there and that it's over and yes 'High School wasn't meant to last forever' but that's not what it's about.. It's about the memories and the people. I mean, how am I supposed to cope with it. I am not here, well physically but not mentally and I don't want to be.
Why am I holding on?
I knew it will be over but I would have never thought it would be this hard.Maybe I know it won't be the same when we see each other again, and it's a good reason for some of them to not talk to me again. I understand that.


[Daylight - Maroon5]