Sometimes, I start to wonder how my life would be if things turned out in an ordinary life of a girl. I mean all the things that had happened. What if this was just a dream and I will wake up living in a house with my whole family and my aunts and grandma would actually love me. But then again I guess this all happened for a reason and the family I have is closer than anything else.
However, I sometimes wonder about how I would be if I never had been bullied or bulimic. I will never know I just hope, in the end, everything will turn out just right, although it might be hard just now.
Recovery, always sounds so easy to people but it is everything but that. You will have times when everything's just comes right back in your face but there will also be times where you feel like you could conquer the oceans. Breakdowns just come and go but it is good because I believe you learn from it. What to do and what not to do. I believe that there will be a day when I can say I am happy and that nothing's gonna bring me down. And that I now say and wrote that I believe in that one day I actually believe myself. I hope and long for that day because I just really want to be at a state of mind where I can say that I am truly happy. I want to be able that I truly love myself and that I won against my demons. I am glad that I made it this day and I will start to make every day the best day although nothing exciting or great is happening. I will do it for me because I need to make sure to get better and to accept myself.
After several years, of pain I made a decision to show the world who I wanted to be seen as, I am still on that way but I am getting closer each day. Especially, since I found a place where I could be myself and where I was appreciated. I just started as the new girl and people liked me for me and who I was, they were friends with me for who I am. Most of them will probably never fully understand why they made me so happy to belong somewhere and to be called a good friend. They didn't judge me and for once I truly felt like home because it's true friends are the family you choose to have. And those people are my family and I mean it, I feel like I have known them for much longer and that's why it is this hard to be so far away and not being able to just see them or catch up. I just hope it will be as it was and we will make some even greater memories when we see each other again. I am happy to call a place so far away home, although it is hard to be on the other side.
It is nice to know that people do love you for who you are even though you are still trying to love and accept yourself. People who believe in you and support you.
I think I am on a good way, hard times will come and go but that's why we should appreciate the present and don't take people who are there for you for granted.