Isn't funny how when we trust someone and let our walls down because we think they won't hurt us they will?
Over the last few years I built my walls so high that I barely trust anyone and it takes a lot to win my trust. Although it seems like I am really outgoing and everything, it's a show. People, don't understand me. And every time they did, they made sure to break my heart after I trusted them and open my heart to them. That's why I am not that easy. But honestly, I wish I could just trust. Without regrets or anything.
I did trust people in my life, but most of the time they showed me why I shouldn't. However, once more I did and it was really hard for me but I thought I can trust that person even though we haven't known each other for long. But it doesn't matter about the time or quantity, it's about the memories and the quality of the friendship or whatever connection you have with someone. So, this is really hard.. but I opened up to that person and believe me this was the hardest and easiest thing to do because I felt comfortable. I finally felt like someone, that I was important to someone, as a friend. The person liked me for who I was and for who I longed to be and I thought this was worth something to the both of us.
There were promises that person made and it seemed so honest but apparently it wasn't, since I can't shake the feeling off that I was somehow used. Why? Well the person doesn't seem so close anymore since some things changed and yes I do understand but what I don't is how I was called a best friend. Because if that's how you treat your friends than I don't want to be one of those anymore, it hurts and it sucks. I am not blaming anyone but I knew this would happen but you promised it wouldn't so what am I supposed to even think or do because I am tired of just being there as a back up plan or a person to use when you feel sad because other people don't have time for you.
If you meant the promises you made I wouldn't be feeling like a no one and idiot again. Even though I hate to admit it, I knew this would happen again and I might just don't trust anymore and I probably won't let these wall fall down to show someone who I actually am. You broke your promises and I can't even say that you are a good friend anymore. And honey coating everything doesn't make this any better and I really feel horrible.
I thought things would be safe and secrets would be safe with you but I don't really think they are and especially now that I can't control it anymore.
You don't know how much I cried over this friendship. It just hurts and maybe you think I am over exaggerating but this is not how I thought it would be. I knew you would stop talking with me and we both know the reason but that is not even a good one.
I am just hurt and disappointed not only in you but in me for telling you basically everything and what I have been through. You hit me at my most vulnerable spot. And I was never in love with you at any time.
This is not written in any angry way but more in a really hurt and sad way, because I don't know how to handle this and if I want to handle this anymore if I am the only one trying to make an effort in that so called friendship.
Just a last note, I thought you were different and I trusted you.
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