And I am searching for words again

but you are not worth any of my songs, anymore.

Now you're touring again and our love is flying away,

you know I can't do this no more.

I loved you for so long,

but after all these years,

it's been so many days and there could've been so many ways.

There comes a point when even my love fades and it won't comeback.

Can we leave it all behind,

starting new, completely without each other.

Do we want to leave like we've never known each other.

Still it seems like you hold me back from falling in love with someone who's not you.

melodies and memories

sometimes if I feel lost or just want to be at my favorite town in my hometown I listen to the music which brings me back. Back to the memories and people. I pretend nothing ever changed because in that moment we were infinite. I swear even if it sounds pathetic, every moment will turn in just another memory and you will miss it or be happy to have been in that state.

melodies even bring me back into those times I just want to forget. But sometimes you can't change it, it reminds you of that time but there's a reason why you're not there anymore.

I know music is a life saver in different ways.

Sometimes, it's just weird how certain melodies, songs or lyrics bring you to a certain time, memory or place, you ask yourself why and especially why in that moment? but sadly that's just life and you can't stop your brain, mind or soul.

But in the end, music is besides taking pictures the best way to capture a moment which is fading to another memory..

what to do..

do you ever feel like not knowing what to do? I mean, I know what I am doing and what I want to be but I really don't know what this is.. and with this I mean something, but I just don't know what that something is. 

I want you to trust me and tell me how you feel but I don't want to tell you that, weird isn't it? We want people to just assume everything that goes on in our minds. But people can't read our minds as much as we want them to, doesn't happen.

I just wish you could just open yourself up for one last time and I promise you to not hurt you because as soon as I would do that I would hurt myself so much more. But it hurts me to see you that way and people keep asking me but too afraid to ask you because you are not friends with them but I just don't know if I go too far or not. I can't read your mind, I just know something's not right. It hurts me to see you this way..

rumor has it..

what I never understood is why people even start rumors about people they basically don't know. I mean, where's the reason or use for someone to hurt someone else. Even if it seems dumb or not as bad to you as to the person you are talking about. 

You will never know how much it hurts that someone, and no right now I am not talking about myself. But I know how much it hurts and I hate this, I can't stand rumors and I know there are a lot about me. In Canada and Germany and probably somewhere else but I really don't want to talk about that anymore because it hurt me and made vulnerable and it still hurts sometimes. As much as I don't want to listen, and I know no one ever wants to listen to rumors about themselves but people are chatty and that's why there are so many problems.

They say as long as people talk about you, you are important but at some points I rather be unimportant and not known at all than having to listen to the rumors people tell each other about me because it is not only annoying or hurting me but also really dangerous for me. 

To those who start rumors get your shit together and feel people alone, you are a bully and you just don't understand how people get affected by what you say..