Leaving, losing, missing and forgetting..

"It's strange that most of the time we never think of people leaving and you just think that they will always be around. Then, one day, they are gone and you have this big empty space inside your chest. But, that's all I know so far. I don't know if you ever stop missing them or if one day you can let them back into your life and hope that they won't hurt you again."

This reminds me of the situation I am in. I mean how do I know if people are true to what they say if I already went through this in another country. The losing and hurting part. I am done with that. I am happy who I became and thankful for the people who helped me to see that I am worth something but at the same time they bring me down, to then tell me they're sorry but how am I supposed to believe that. They say if something makes you sad or feel bad throw it out of your life or stop hanging around the people who make you feel bad about yourself, it's just not that easy. If the only thing that makes me feel alive breaks and destroys me is it still considered bad?

I wish I could decide what to feel or how to act sometimes. You know it's just not right or something changed but everyone tries to pretend it's completely fine.
I was the worse of myself back then but I can't say when or why it happened. I just know it did and it's strange how much I never wanted to be in that state but at the same time I know I will be back in it or I am already in it.
Right now, I think I am steady in a different way from how it used to be, at least I try to understand how to handle it.