I really thought it would get better with time, they say time heals but it makes just so much worse. I can't deal with all of this anymore and apparently no one seems to care enough or just can't understand me. I just don't want to go back and I mean it in more than just leaving the country.
Everything will come back. Everything I let go and left behind, it was just not me. I thought I can leave the past there but I can't. No one understands and I am too tired of explaining these emotions. It doesn't matter if you studied anything, because you don't feel this. Emptiness. Loneliness. I tried to fix myself after I fixed so many people. Maybe I am just giving up on being strong. I know where I was two years ago and I don't want to go back there but at this state I am in there's no other choice. I just think this time I'd give up, all the way.
This was a new start but in the end I will just be the mental one again, no matter how hard I try. I am not good enough, I have to accept that. Never was and never will be.
All these sleepless nights, those nights where I over think everything. Endless nights of crying. I can't handle it but I know no one would want to hear it because they'd think I over exaggerate but it's not that. People don't know half of the things I lived through and that I have done.
Sometimes, I think it will be a better life for everyone. It's going to be the same life they had because I just disappear anyway.. it doesn't matter to anyone if I am here or not..

I know it was never supposed to be easy but I just wish someone would hold me and tell me everything will be alright and work out..